What we can do today, moving forward is completely independent of everything that's happened to us and everything that we have done so far.

We'd like to think what's happened so far has a big influence on who we are and what we will do next. 

In fact, we have built up our identities based on the things we have done so far.

But that's all just a narrative. 

One we can abandon at the drop of a hat.

And take up a new one just as quickly.

We can decide to be the kind of person we want to, starting right now, and not look back. 

What's done is sunk. 

What's ahead is a fresh day.

And yet, we find it very difficult to actually put this in practice. 

That's because what everyone else sees in us is what we have done so far. Their model of us is based on what they have seen us do so far. Their models don't change at the drop of a hat.

And the only reason we find it difficult to put this in practice is because we want to put across a consistent picture to those around us. It's easier that way and let's us fit in better.

But, unless we start living the way we want to, those around us will never have the chance to update their models of us.

The only way through is to go through the difficult period of inconsistency where we have already changed, but the models of us haven't.

But, with enough time, they will.

(Hat-tip to Ichiro Kishimi's The Courage to be Disliked)