One, understanding what the other person is looking for. Not assuming, understanding.

Two, deciding whether you are able and willing to offer it. Not pretending, but actually offering.

Only if there is a match between the two is there a possibility of a successful relationship. There needn't be a perfect overlap. There almost never is. But enough of an overlap that satisfies both people involved.

If the people on a date had an infinite amount of time and no competition for sealing the deal with the other person, then every couple that pairs off will do so only when the above two conditions are met. But unfortunately, that is not the case.

So, we assume. And we pretend. Thus, leaving ample room for the resulting relationship to head downwards.

While I write this with the example of dating, it is equally true of the relationship (courtship?) between a founder and an investor, between an interviewer and a job seeker, between a customer and a salesman.

When you're on your next date, or on your next sales call, or when you're interviewing for your next job, or raising money for your startup, you know what the two things are that matter most.